I feel silly for not thinking of this sooner, but of course people have done research in identity development, particularly racial identity in the US. I even know someone who this is the subject of her research. I knew that, but I guess I forgot. I think these concepts also apply to other aspects of identity and privilege/oppression, which helps me in more than just one area.
I'm just going to put this here as reference for the kinds of things I've been reading. They're not answers to the concerns I have, but I think they're a good framework for my thinking about these issues. Maybe others who aren't familiar with this area of study will find it enlightening.
There seem to be multiple models for "stages" of development, and I'm told some are considered more useful than others, so here's some rough summaries of a few:
http://www.diversitycelebration.com/models-of-racial-identity/
http://www.pierce.ctc.edu/staff/tlink/development/theme_identity_and_cohort/race_stages.html
From the Unitarian Universalists, here's information about forming a positive, anti-racist white identity:
http://www.uua.org/documents/gardinerwilliam/whiteness/positive_white_identity.pdf
(But whatever you do, DO NOT Google simply "white identity" unless you want a bunch of white supremacist information. "White identity development" or "racial identity development" are fine though.)
And finally, what I found most interesting to read, a description of the progress of a college class on racial identity, Talking about Race, Learning about Racism: The Application of Racial Identity Development Theory in the Classroom by Beverly Daniel Tatum
http://isites.harvard.edu/fs/docs/icb.topic551851.files/TalkingAboutRace%20Tatum.pdf
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
How do I make sense of it all?
There are many social issues I care about. Ones that affect me directly. Ones that affect people I care about. Ones that don't affect me or people I know, but still matter. Yet reading the ideas from many of the online communities surrounding these topics, I feel like I don't fit. I feel unwelcome. Because while I agree on substance, I don't always agree on method. And I seem to keep coming across people who frame disagreeing on method as being just as bad as disagreeing on substance. I feel like if I speak up, I'd be treated as an enemy to the very things and people I care about.
Fundamentalist Christians alternately glorify sex and are ashamed of it. Sex-positive people try to counter the shame. They say they're nothing wrong with it if you want it. But then say it's wrong not to want it. They still glorify it. Why can't it just be?
I care about the harm that comes from religion, from irrational beliefs, from unsupported faith. But I'm not a "New Atheist" either. I'm not actively anti-religion because I don't see what that would solve, even if I think a world without religion sounds appealing. Ideas, including religion, come from people, who are not completely rational. Myself included. So getting rid of religion won't get rid of underlying irrational, harmful, unsubstantiated ideas and assumptions. Religion's not some supernatural force over us, making us do things we wouldn't do otherwise. Our irrational thought structures and lack of cultural introspection do, and religion is just the most visible way that's expressed. I'd rather focus on relieving the harm and increasing critical thinking and reasoning, and if religion doesn't go away with that, instead adapting to be a little more rational and a lot less harmful, so be it, even if it's not my preference or not completely reality. But this is near-traitorous to New Atheists.
I want to see better representation of PoC in our art and entertainment. I'm deeply bothered by whitewashing of characters and stories. Yet my own Mediterranean features and ancestry are often attributed to persons of color while I'm personally (usually) considered white, leaving me no safe way to try to conceptualize my own racial and cultural identity without risking appropriating the problems faced by actual racial and cultural minorities. I don't even feel I'm allowed space to be concerned about this without being accused of "worrying more about being called racist than actual racism." As if I can't both care about racism and my own identity.
I think feminism and LGBT activism are important. I see how society is so focused only on a white-cis-male perspective, everything else is invisible. I see what harm that does. I'm angry, but I'm not enraged enough apparently. Same as with atheism. Because I prefer calm dialogue to angry rants. I try not to simply explode in my anger, and because of that, I apparently think even feeling anger is unjustified.
Civility is apparently catering to privilege because privileged people expect to be treated nicely, better than everyone else, and they don't deserve it. I think there's a middle ground. I think everyone should expect to be treated nicely unless they've knowingly done something to change that. Maybe it's just a difference in our definitions of "civility" and "nice." But in others' minds, I'm apparently too biased in favor of religion or I'm too repressed and unaware to be listened to. Because I think it's worth taking into consideration how important the things we're challenging are to the identities of the people we're challenging. I think it helps in anticipating their objections, and responding, in understanding and making them understand without then shutting you off. In bringing them in gently rather than hurting them because they hurt you, and then demanding they change. But I'm shot down with accusations of "tone-policing" because I think dialogue is a more effective way to start a conversation than insults and targeted offense. I'm apparently silencing others by caring about everyone's feelings, not just the oppressed.
I've always felt distant, like an observer on society. I don't mind that so much. I wonder if it gives me perspective. Maybe not. But when I do want to engage, I don't know how, not just because of me, but because I keep encountering people who don't want to help others engage. Who want everyone coming in to already know everything. They may say "it's OK to make mistakes" but they certainly don't act like it. Or they're willing to help, but only if people end up agreeing with them. But I can't say that, accuse them of that. That's too much like comparing an oppressed group to the people with power; comparing their individual behavior to a system of power that they don't have.
But where's my power? What am I? I'm not welcome anywhere, and I'm not allowed to claim it for myself without being accused of hurting those causes I want to help...those that I'm a part of. And when do I get to stand up for myself as an individual? For what I believe in? Who I am? When and where do I get space to work out my understanding and relation to these issues? To make mistakes? To explore different, and maybe even unpopular, ways of looking at things? Everywhere I go, I feel stifled, shot down, told trying to make sense of it for myself if I don't get it 100% right and not just uncritically accept what others have said means I'm hurting the very people I'm doing everything I can to not hurt!
I came to care about these things because I felt erased, assumed to be things I wasn't. Things privileged people thought were positive, but I thought were negative. I wanted people to respect the real me. To listen to me and understand me. To know I wasn't an exception to their stereotypes; their stereotypes were exceptions to reality. To know they were wrong about me and everyone else who was not privileged. But I can't demand that without also giving that. So I did listen. I do consider the experiences others have. I do believe them when they say they've experienced oppression I don't understand. I don't intend to stop. But still no one does that for me. They say I'm privileged because I'm not saying what they want from me. I'm biased. I'm not listening. I'm the one who's being self-centered when I've spent my whole life learning to speak for myself! I'm the one who's whining even now because somehow whatever harm I've experienced is "less"...less harmful, less worthy of concern, less important and valid. Oh sure, they say it's wrong to "compare oppressions," but in practice, that's what happens. You can't understand because apparently there's no overlap in people's experiences or what they've learned. Whatever lessons I learned from it, whatever conclusions I came to about how to fix things, how to help, are meaningless because other people's hurt and conclusions are more "correct," more meaningful, more worthy of concern.
I was hurt. I am hurt. I don't have to justify those feelings. My experiences don't neatly fit into the boxes of clear racism, sexism, etc., and I need space to make sense of it. I don't care if you think I'm too privileged in one area to understand or have a right to speak because if you won't allow me a safe space to figure it out, you certainly can't judge either. Whatever it was, it influenced me to listen, and I'm going to keep listening, and I'm going to keep reaching my own conclusions about being just treating each other well, and I'm going to keep speaking up. I know experiencing discrimination doesn't mean I get to walk all over everyone else because that's exactly I expect from everyone else.
Yet saying that scares me. Because more than anything, I don't want to hurt others, especially those who are already down. I want to be understood, to be treated kindly, I refuse to be misrepresented, but I can't have that at the expense of others. I don't want to be called racist not because of some abstract "reputation," but because it means I've failed at not hurting others! I want to be thought of as a good person because I want to be a good person. It scares me because I see myself sometimes disagreeing with even influential philosophies and activists and people respected for their understandings of privilege, oppression, discrimination, and I must be wrong if I'm disagreeing with them. I must be missing something, not understanding something critically important. I can't have some understanding they didn't. Can I? If I disagree, is it just because my own privilege is blinding me? Or are others simply using the concept of privilege to beat back any disagreement? Sometimes it seems disagreement becomes "proof" of privilege; are others simplifying things too much? Or am I making something simple more complex than it is?
How do I balance who I am and what I want and need for myself with the kind of respect everyone else also deserves?
Fundamentalist Christians alternately glorify sex and are ashamed of it. Sex-positive people try to counter the shame. They say they're nothing wrong with it if you want it. But then say it's wrong not to want it. They still glorify it. Why can't it just be?
I care about the harm that comes from religion, from irrational beliefs, from unsupported faith. But I'm not a "New Atheist" either. I'm not actively anti-religion because I don't see what that would solve, even if I think a world without religion sounds appealing. Ideas, including religion, come from people, who are not completely rational. Myself included. So getting rid of religion won't get rid of underlying irrational, harmful, unsubstantiated ideas and assumptions. Religion's not some supernatural force over us, making us do things we wouldn't do otherwise. Our irrational thought structures and lack of cultural introspection do, and religion is just the most visible way that's expressed. I'd rather focus on relieving the harm and increasing critical thinking and reasoning, and if religion doesn't go away with that, instead adapting to be a little more rational and a lot less harmful, so be it, even if it's not my preference or not completely reality. But this is near-traitorous to New Atheists.
I want to see better representation of PoC in our art and entertainment. I'm deeply bothered by whitewashing of characters and stories. Yet my own Mediterranean features and ancestry are often attributed to persons of color while I'm personally (usually) considered white, leaving me no safe way to try to conceptualize my own racial and cultural identity without risking appropriating the problems faced by actual racial and cultural minorities. I don't even feel I'm allowed space to be concerned about this without being accused of "worrying more about being called racist than actual racism." As if I can't both care about racism and my own identity.
I think feminism and LGBT activism are important. I see how society is so focused only on a white-cis-male perspective, everything else is invisible. I see what harm that does. I'm angry, but I'm not enraged enough apparently. Same as with atheism. Because I prefer calm dialogue to angry rants. I try not to simply explode in my anger, and because of that, I apparently think even feeling anger is unjustified.
Civility is apparently catering to privilege because privileged people expect to be treated nicely, better than everyone else, and they don't deserve it. I think there's a middle ground. I think everyone should expect to be treated nicely unless they've knowingly done something to change that. Maybe it's just a difference in our definitions of "civility" and "nice." But in others' minds, I'm apparently too biased in favor of religion or I'm too repressed and unaware to be listened to. Because I think it's worth taking into consideration how important the things we're challenging are to the identities of the people we're challenging. I think it helps in anticipating their objections, and responding, in understanding and making them understand without then shutting you off. In bringing them in gently rather than hurting them because they hurt you, and then demanding they change. But I'm shot down with accusations of "tone-policing" because I think dialogue is a more effective way to start a conversation than insults and targeted offense. I'm apparently silencing others by caring about everyone's feelings, not just the oppressed.
I've always felt distant, like an observer on society. I don't mind that so much. I wonder if it gives me perspective. Maybe not. But when I do want to engage, I don't know how, not just because of me, but because I keep encountering people who don't want to help others engage. Who want everyone coming in to already know everything. They may say "it's OK to make mistakes" but they certainly don't act like it. Or they're willing to help, but only if people end up agreeing with them. But I can't say that, accuse them of that. That's too much like comparing an oppressed group to the people with power; comparing their individual behavior to a system of power that they don't have.
But where's my power? What am I? I'm not welcome anywhere, and I'm not allowed to claim it for myself without being accused of hurting those causes I want to help...those that I'm a part of. And when do I get to stand up for myself as an individual? For what I believe in? Who I am? When and where do I get space to work out my understanding and relation to these issues? To make mistakes? To explore different, and maybe even unpopular, ways of looking at things? Everywhere I go, I feel stifled, shot down, told trying to make sense of it for myself if I don't get it 100% right and not just uncritically accept what others have said means I'm hurting the very people I'm doing everything I can to not hurt!
I came to care about these things because I felt erased, assumed to be things I wasn't. Things privileged people thought were positive, but I thought were negative. I wanted people to respect the real me. To listen to me and understand me. To know I wasn't an exception to their stereotypes; their stereotypes were exceptions to reality. To know they were wrong about me and everyone else who was not privileged. But I can't demand that without also giving that. So I did listen. I do consider the experiences others have. I do believe them when they say they've experienced oppression I don't understand. I don't intend to stop. But still no one does that for me. They say I'm privileged because I'm not saying what they want from me. I'm biased. I'm not listening. I'm the one who's being self-centered when I've spent my whole life learning to speak for myself! I'm the one who's whining even now because somehow whatever harm I've experienced is "less"...less harmful, less worthy of concern, less important and valid. Oh sure, they say it's wrong to "compare oppressions," but in practice, that's what happens. You can't understand because apparently there's no overlap in people's experiences or what they've learned. Whatever lessons I learned from it, whatever conclusions I came to about how to fix things, how to help, are meaningless because other people's hurt and conclusions are more "correct," more meaningful, more worthy of concern.
I was hurt. I am hurt. I don't have to justify those feelings. My experiences don't neatly fit into the boxes of clear racism, sexism, etc., and I need space to make sense of it. I don't care if you think I'm too privileged in one area to understand or have a right to speak because if you won't allow me a safe space to figure it out, you certainly can't judge either. Whatever it was, it influenced me to listen, and I'm going to keep listening, and I'm going to keep reaching my own conclusions about being just treating each other well, and I'm going to keep speaking up. I know experiencing discrimination doesn't mean I get to walk all over everyone else because that's exactly I expect from everyone else.
Yet saying that scares me. Because more than anything, I don't want to hurt others, especially those who are already down. I want to be understood, to be treated kindly, I refuse to be misrepresented, but I can't have that at the expense of others. I don't want to be called racist not because of some abstract "reputation," but because it means I've failed at not hurting others! I want to be thought of as a good person because I want to be a good person. It scares me because I see myself sometimes disagreeing with even influential philosophies and activists and people respected for their understandings of privilege, oppression, discrimination, and I must be wrong if I'm disagreeing with them. I must be missing something, not understanding something critically important. I can't have some understanding they didn't. Can I? If I disagree, is it just because my own privilege is blinding me? Or are others simply using the concept of privilege to beat back any disagreement? Sometimes it seems disagreement becomes "proof" of privilege; are others simplifying things too much? Or am I making something simple more complex than it is?
How do I balance who I am and what I want and need for myself with the kind of respect everyone else also deserves?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)