Either context, it's still bad!

It's Christmas time again, meaning it's the time of year when all the criticisms of "Baby It's Cold Outside" get passed around. I don't see the value in repeating what's already been said by so many others about it, so I'll just add my reply to idea that our criticisms come from a modern take on the lyrics, but in the context of it's time, it's not what it sounds like to us now. I haven't heard that addressed yet, so here it is.

Interpreting it charitably, it could be that the woman actually does want to stay with the man, but realizes she will be criticized if she does (she mentions her sister, neighbors, and aunts being "suspicious") so she's looking for an excuse to stay (the weather, too much to drink).

But how is this better? The modern take is that the man won't accept her "No," and that's why it rapey, but in this world, her consent doesn't even exist! There's no difference at all between her ability to say yes and no! Just to do what she wants, she has to pretend to be coerced or else be judged by people who have no business even butting in! And then we wonder why our society has such a difficult time "understanding women" when this is the background we come out of. Don't forget, people who grew up in this mindset are still alive today and, since they didn't reject it but instead sings songs about it, would have passed on those ideas to their children.

What religion meant to me

I grew up understanding religion as a guide for how to live your life. Apparently, a lot of people see religion as a guide for how others should live their lives.

Does this make sense?

Feminism to me is a philosophy, not an identity the same sense of race or gender or sexual orientation. Feminist men are allies to women, but they are not “feminist allies,” just feminists.

I wouldn’t tell male feminists, or allies of other identities I associate with, that, because of their privilege alone, they can’t discuss or critique or give their input on ideas and concepts within each social justice area. It makes things trickier, certainly – they have to be a lot more careful to make sure they do understand the issues and assumptions influencing their own position. That they’re not speaking in place of others when they should be ensuring those others are getting heard directly. This is perhaps most important. And they’ll probably get some things wrong even then.

But I think that’s OK. Competence, high competence, but not perfection, is what I can reasonably ask for.

We’re all in this together; we’ve all be programmed by the same society, all fighting different aspects of the same thing, fighting the fact that it programmed us differently, unequally. If they’re aware and trying to continue to fight and change things, even if it’s just within themselves, I can’t blame them for creating or sustaining the system. They didn’t, and I don’t hold them accountable for the harm caused by others. They – we – can’t escape the privilege others give us if we want to continue to function within our society. To continue to fight to change it. Being part of the privileged group doesn’t make you incapable of having ideas, opinions, interpretations that are valuable; it just means you will have to try harder to get it. I don’t want to silence anyone who cares and may be able to help. And if they’re helping, then they’re not silencing me.

If you say so...

Self-proclaimed “Nice Guys” claim that they used to be nice, but it didn’t lead to the kind of relationships that they wanted, that women don’t actually value guys being nice, so they stopped being nice.

You know, it’s really not healthy to try to completely change yourself to what you think others want for the sake of a romantic relationship. It makes you sound desperate. Better to have no relationship than an unhealthy one.